I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
