Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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