My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize