I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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