just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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