I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
