Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
