Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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