Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
