Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
