So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I need a hoe opinion
go on
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
