i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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