I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
