Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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