In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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