Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
