I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
