You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
