Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
