I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
