I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
