If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
