I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
