"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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