eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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