Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
