Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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