one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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