She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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