i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
