Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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