She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
