Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
