I didn't shave. On purpose
where am i from again
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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