Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
being pregnant is like rehab
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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