if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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