And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
