I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
