Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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