Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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