I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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