I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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