He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It's never too late to be topless.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
