btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
