I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
