Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
