my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Bang-toberfest begins!!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
