i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
