Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
