I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
