if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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