I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
