your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
