just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
